humor

Brush with Death? - 8/31/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  So, if you are having your house painted and somehow you make a comment that offends the painter's work and all at once, they all attack you still with brushes in hand...and you get beat by the bristly group to within an inch of your life but somehow survive to offend another day...have you in fact just had a "brush with death???"

Referee in My Helmet - 8/24/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  I have a new sound in my motorcycle helmet when I ride my motorcycle on the freeway.  It is really annoying and sounds like a referee blowing his whistle.  And before you ask...no, it is not when I turn my head sideways.

It started a couple weeks ago and the first time I heard it, it had me looking around...like there was going to be referee on the freeway blowing a whistle at me.  But you never know unless you look.

Plain Jane Names - 8/22/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  Today as I sat at break and ate an orange, I began to think.  Yes, I know...I should never start to think but I did anyway.  What I thought about was who named the orange, "orange?"  As I see it, one man or woman must be responsible for this.  The name seemed so plain when thinking of other fruit and veggie names such as, tomato, cucumber, watermelon, banana, avocado, zucchini, radish, bell pepper, onion, peas or even a kumquat.  And the more I thought about it, the more its "plain Jane" name seemed to stand out.  

NEWS FLASH - 8/21/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  NEWS FLASH: Chiquita Banana has been found in violation of his parole for his involvement with the Peanut Butter, Banana and Mayo Gang, responsible for a "bunch" of fruit stand robberies across the country.  Several victims interviewed agreed that the gang was not "berry" nice.  Chiquita's lawyer, Bear, with BJ and the Bear Law Associates has said that they will certain "appeal" the verdict.  Stay tuned.

Catechism Thoughts - 7/28/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  So I woke up this morning thinking about the word "catechism."  And though I "do" know what the real meaning of the word is, anyone that knows me also knows that the real meaning is not what my mind was wondering about.  So I plugged it into my mind and let it do its work.  Two thoughts came to mind.  I will let you vote for the most popular "alternate" meaning.

I'll Be Back!!! - 7/23/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  I believe that weeds and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies are very much alike.  I believe that as you pull them out and toss them into the sack or garbage can...if we could hear the frequency that they are speaking at, they would be yelling..."I'LL BE BACK!!!  I"LL BE BACK!!!" 

~David

David L. Wood 7/23/2013 (c)
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the writer, David L. Wood.

Hair of the Pig - 7/17/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  This morning, I was thinking about the line that the three little pigs used when the wolf was asking them to open the door.  It is the classic line, "Not by the hair of my chiny, chin, chin" that came to my mind.  There is no doubt about it, that is a great and cute line.

Being Cheesy - 7/16/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I was at Subway tonight with my wife, Denice.  After yodeling because I thought Denice had asked for "Swiss" cheese, I realized she had actually said, "American" cheese.  Yes, I know, they do rhyme and you are right...anyone could make that mistake.  Anyway, it made the subway sandwich girl smile and Denice may or may not have smirked and rolled her eyes at me. (after almost 25 years of marriage...I call that a win)

Is It a Crock? - 7/9/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS:  So, today we are having an area team building event. In the past couple times, we have had a big BBQ.  This year, they are mixing it up by doing a Cajan theme.  They have flown in "live" craw-fish from Louisiana as well as alligator...(though not live).  A few friends and I were talking about this as none of us have ever had alligator.

Copy That - 7/8/2013

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I heard some people talking on "walkie talkies" this morning. If you ever listen to such talk, you will hear them constantly saying, "Copy that" and sometimes "Over." It made me think back over the years of hearing "WT" talk throughout my life. It occurred to me that in all that time I have never hear anyone say, "Paste that" or "Under." That seems very one sided and a little strange if you ask me. 

Thoughts?  Comments? 

~David Wood

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